Paying to poop

Once upon a time, flying was a glamorous experience. Families would dress their kids in their best outfits. Men would wear suits and ladies wore dresses. Meals would consist of foods from all four food groups. The children were entertained by stewardesses who gave out free toys and playing cards. Mom and dad could catch up on current events from a wide array of magazines available on flight. Seats were still wide enough to actually stretch from time to time.

Overall it was a thrilling experience.

Today things have changed in a big way. Flying is now basically like riding your local public transit, but only in the air. People of all shapes and sizes are now herded like cattle, filling each and every inch available. Planes are seldom cleaned leaving your seat front pouch like a mystery treasure chest of dirty kleenex, half eaten sandwiches and other unidentified gook.

If you are lucky enough to get a middle seat, say goodbye to any chance of using an armrest.

If you forgot to bring cash then you are probably out of luck to have any chance of being a lucky recepient of the 5 dollar snack box. The snack box basically consists of what I call the "no food group" foods. Combining salt, sodium, saturated fat and sugar with a little chese dip thrown in.

If you are cold, too bad! All the blankets were taken away to reduce flight load. Need a pillow? Maybe there will be one available but the thought of a past lice or dandruff filled head using it should scare you off.

The final straw which actually won't be the final straw, is to charge you for your first piece of checked luggage. You have just paid American Airlines $480 to fly from Los Angeles to New York, but get ready to cough up another $15 if you want your clothes and toiletries to make the trip with you. Northwest, United and US Airways are guilty of this practice as well.
Wouldn't it be better to just add this charge into the ticket price? In an attempt to keep competitive low fares, the airlines have decided it is better to use the add-on system.

I have recently received word that one of the airlines is considering a bathroom surcharge.
To go Number 1 you will be assessed a $3.00 charge. This will included 5 minutes of time. Once the time is up a bell will go off and the door will pop open exposing you to the waiting masses.
To go Number 2 you will be charged $5.00 although you will be given 10 fleeting minutes before public exposure.

Other ideas being floated by the airlines included a weight surcharge. Upon checking in you will be asked to step on the luggage scale. You will be assessed a fee for any body weight above the National average for body size. A six foot man over 200 pounds will have to pay up. A five foot five woman over 140 pounds will have to pay a premium as well.

What next I wonder? Maybe a discount if you have had past flying lessons and can serve as "co-pilot" thus reducing the need for the airline to hire their own co-pilots.

Happy flying everyone.